Derek had the perfect plan! Or so he thought. He wanted to get laid so bad. The only problem was, his new girlfriend Brenda wanted to take things slower. It's not like she didn't want to do it. She just didn't want to rush into things. But Derek knew of a private spooky place he could take her. A place that would make her cling to him for protection. He figured their sexual chemistry would take it the rest of the way from there. Being horny calls for desperate measures sometimes, I guess.
So far the plan was working without flaw. As they walked through the dark cemetery, Brenda hung on to her man for dear life. She didn't really want to be in a cemetery at this hour, but it was the only place where the two of them could be alone. So onward they walked to the door of a mausoleum. It's not quite as spooky as it could have been. This mausoleum had body vaults in it, but there were no dead people housed within. Instead, the place was being used as a tool shed for cemetery maintenance men.
They shut the door behind them and started making out. Derek's plan was working. Brenda was scared of her surroundings just enough to make her want to lose herself in the safety of Derek's passion. He was her strong man and protector. The more he saturated himself with her body, the safer she felt.
Derek took off his pants and was ready to move in when his perfect plan went limp (hehehe... sorry... couldn't resist that one).
"Shhhh!," said Brenda. "I hear someone breathing!"
Through the bars of the window they saw a pair of eyes looking at them.
"What's the matter, you pervert!" Derek yelled. "Gotta watch US because you can't get any on your own?"
The eyes remained intently fixed on them. Totally pissed, Derek put his pants back on and stormed out of the mausoleum to confront the voyeur. He found no one.
He returned to Brenda and tried to heat things up again, but she was no longer in the mood.
"Let's just get out of here," she begged. "I feel like we are still being watched."
When Derek related this experience to me, I was intrigued. We took a day trip to this mausoleum just to scope things out. When we got there, I asked him how he got inside the building. The door was barricaded by a locked gate.
He
said there was no gate in front of this door the other night. "I
swear there wasn't," he insisted. Later on, Brenda also adamantly
confirmed Derek's claim. Yet, according to the groundskeeper we talked
to, the security gate had been there for many years.
It's the only mausoleum in this particular section of the cemetery, so I knew they weren't just confused as to which building they had visited. And besides that, ALL the other mausoleum doors throughout the rest of the cemetery were gated as well.
So, I ran to the nearest phone booth... put my paranormal investigator's cape on... and flew airborne to the cemetery administrative office for more research. What I learned there led to a rather disturbing discovery.
"The mausoleum you are inquiring about was the resting place for one body back in 1967," said the helpful office clerk. "But we had a rash of vandalisms back then. Kids were breaking into the buildings at night, leaving broken beer bottles and condoms lying around for us to clean up in the morning. Distraught about the desecrations, the family of the deceased demanded their money back and had their loved one's remains relocated to another cemetery. That's when we installed the security gates in front of all the mausoleum doors."
"Who was interred there in 1967?" I asked. "Do you know his or her name?"
"Yes, it's right here in the file," she said. "His name was 'David Woodard'."
I had to dig and dig and DIG to track down any still-living relatives of the man named "David Woodard"! But I found one! David's aunt, to be exact. A very charming elderly woman.
"David was a very troubled man," she said sadly. "He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and prone to extreme religious delusions. His suicide was both tragic and gruesome."
She went on to say, "David had a problem. He used to wander the neighborhood at night peeking into bedroom windows hoping to watch couples having sexual relations. Voyeurism, I guess they call it. Anyway, one day he read the Bible verse that says if your eye causes you to sin, it is better to pluck it out than to go to hell with your eye intact. Overcome with guilt, he gouged both of his eyes out and then plunged a knife into his heart."
So how in the world do we explain Derek's and Brenda's haunting cemetery encounter? Here's my theory...
Many people have reported experiencing strange altered states of consciousness during which they see, hear, taste, smell, touch, and feel things that seemed so real at the time, yet never actually happened in their normal material-world state of existence. Instead, they occurred in some other dimension of spirit.
I don't think Derek and Brenda ACTUALLY entered the cemetery mausoleum that night. It is much more plausible for me to believe they entered a spirit-world counterpart to the mausoleum of David Woodard's original interment.
David entered the spirit world without any eyes. But apparently his eyes are still wandering spirit-world neighborhoods hoping to catch a good fuck session in progress!
Derek's horny energy led him to the very mausoleum where a troubled voyeur had once been laid (lol... sorry... couldn't resist that one either!) to rest. Doesn't that seem like way more than a mere coincidence to you? Did David Woodard lure Derek there so he could watch???
The ghost of David Woodard may not have access to the neighborhoods of earth anymore, but he apparently found a way to bring his other-dimensional neighborhood to Derek and Brenda!
